Processing Burnout
Mar. 5th, 2026 10:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hydrateddesertflowerI am getting pretty burned out about trying to hold a space for people who aren't engaging in the space. So I might just need to step back from hosting events and focus on the ongoing initiatives and let everything else fall to the wayside. I am not getting the support from the community we once were and I think people are in survival mode and don't have spoons for interdependence, which is ultimately how we all die alone and abandoned. So if what I need is engagement for me to feel like my work is sustainable, then I need to find the people who want to be engaged in the work with me. I run at such a high speed that I burn out the people around me and now I see it happening again with the few people left in my life.
How do I make my work sustainable for me and keep others involved? I guess I need to refocus on what I need to make spaces for myself and let everyone else figure out what they need instead of trying to meet a need that isn't getting engagement. If the programming I am producing doesn't result in people participating then I am just going to stop doing it and move on to figuring out what I need. I hate that it feels like giving up, like it is counter to all that I stand for, but if I am not sustained I can't hold space for others to be able to participate. And there you have it the cycle of the activist burning out because everyone wants what you provide but won't support us in providing it. I thought I was writing about the story of this moment, but instead it sounds like a rant and a vent about the lack of support I have...which is exactly the thing everyone is suffering from and why they aren't engaged.
The thing is I am not hopeless. I feel stuck right now but this is centuries of colonization and indoctrination that got us here, and yet we are still here surviving, resisting, and winning. So many people are waking up that the critical mass, the tipping point, is soon to be upon us. What I need to do is build the structures from connection and thriving while the world burns so we can arise with a plan that has been working and the dreams to keep them growing. The dream building we need to do now and the visions of the future we carry with us, not only need to sustain us through the fire, but are necessary to be the germinated seeds for us to sprout and grow anew. Who wants to be burned though? I wonder how we survive the fire? Do we pare down our values, our needs, our output to the primordial essential DNA and then cocooning into a rough shell of who we are to survive the storm? Or do we grow, expand, hyper-produce seeds for the next generation to have something to work with after we pass? This is the impasse I find myself in. The signs of burnout are here. The lack of support. The inability to feed or care for my body. The isolation and the bids for support from friends and family that go unanswered.
I wonder why my life has been one I must walk alone. I don't deserve this, especially for all the support and care I have given and continue to give. I wonder what is the lesson in this. I practice gratitude and force myself to eat but it isn't satisfying or fun anymore. Like I'm going through the motions because I know I must but it brings me no pleasure anymore. Like the joy of life is being sucked out of me from lack of connection to humanity. Nature helps but it takes a lot out of me to even find and get to a place that is safe and clean (due to the human destruction of habitats around us), and my disabilities that keep me from walking very far (so no more hiking possible). Corporations add soy to everything so even easy safe foods are out of my reach now. The city is not designed for accessibility so I can't get to most places. The wealth disparity is depressing. But I work for myself. I create my own reality. So what do I want to create? How do I want to handle this? Where do I want to go? What should I do next?
That is what I am focusing on. I am always of the mind that if I don't like my circumstances, what is something I can do about it. Whether that is a now something or a prep for a future something, I am a woman of ACTION. I don't like sitting still. Well shit, that's the lesson then isn't it. I need to learn to sit still (figuratively, since covid I can't do as much activity as I once did and that is part of the issue as well). My AutiHD needs outlets and stimulation! lol
Anyway that is my rant for the morning. I want to write more but also tell story more. Learn to tell story better/ in a way that is engaging and supportive to my goals. I also want to write a book but I need to 1 decide which one to start on and 2 get started on the one I want but need someone else's support...idk why do I do this to myself. Just write and figure out the rest later. ugh. OK off I go.
How do I make my work sustainable for me and keep others involved? I guess I need to refocus on what I need to make spaces for myself and let everyone else figure out what they need instead of trying to meet a need that isn't getting engagement. If the programming I am producing doesn't result in people participating then I am just going to stop doing it and move on to figuring out what I need. I hate that it feels like giving up, like it is counter to all that I stand for, but if I am not sustained I can't hold space for others to be able to participate. And there you have it the cycle of the activist burning out because everyone wants what you provide but won't support us in providing it. I thought I was writing about the story of this moment, but instead it sounds like a rant and a vent about the lack of support I have...which is exactly the thing everyone is suffering from and why they aren't engaged.
The thing is I am not hopeless. I feel stuck right now but this is centuries of colonization and indoctrination that got us here, and yet we are still here surviving, resisting, and winning. So many people are waking up that the critical mass, the tipping point, is soon to be upon us. What I need to do is build the structures from connection and thriving while the world burns so we can arise with a plan that has been working and the dreams to keep them growing. The dream building we need to do now and the visions of the future we carry with us, not only need to sustain us through the fire, but are necessary to be the germinated seeds for us to sprout and grow anew. Who wants to be burned though? I wonder how we survive the fire? Do we pare down our values, our needs, our output to the primordial essential DNA and then cocooning into a rough shell of who we are to survive the storm? Or do we grow, expand, hyper-produce seeds for the next generation to have something to work with after we pass? This is the impasse I find myself in. The signs of burnout are here. The lack of support. The inability to feed or care for my body. The isolation and the bids for support from friends and family that go unanswered.
I wonder why my life has been one I must walk alone. I don't deserve this, especially for all the support and care I have given and continue to give. I wonder what is the lesson in this. I practice gratitude and force myself to eat but it isn't satisfying or fun anymore. Like I'm going through the motions because I know I must but it brings me no pleasure anymore. Like the joy of life is being sucked out of me from lack of connection to humanity. Nature helps but it takes a lot out of me to even find and get to a place that is safe and clean (due to the human destruction of habitats around us), and my disabilities that keep me from walking very far (so no more hiking possible). Corporations add soy to everything so even easy safe foods are out of my reach now. The city is not designed for accessibility so I can't get to most places. The wealth disparity is depressing. But I work for myself. I create my own reality. So what do I want to create? How do I want to handle this? Where do I want to go? What should I do next?
That is what I am focusing on. I am always of the mind that if I don't like my circumstances, what is something I can do about it. Whether that is a now something or a prep for a future something, I am a woman of ACTION. I don't like sitting still. Well shit, that's the lesson then isn't it. I need to learn to sit still (figuratively, since covid I can't do as much activity as I once did and that is part of the issue as well). My AutiHD needs outlets and stimulation! lol
Anyway that is my rant for the morning. I want to write more but also tell story more. Learn to tell story better/ in a way that is engaging and supportive to my goals. I also want to write a book but I need to 1 decide which one to start on and 2 get started on the one I want but need someone else's support...idk why do I do this to myself. Just write and figure out the rest later. ugh. OK off I go.
Personal Experience, for comparison only.
Date: 2026-03-11 02:54 am (UTC)